Monday, December 21, 2015

Lost.


Not coping.

No direction. Depressed thoughts. Emotional walls. Self-pity and self-frustration. Longing to escape. Nothing makes it worthwhile. Can't understand myself or others. Can't see a way to make things work. Can't seem to co-exist with anyone peacefully. Feel myself hopelessly continuing patterns of behaviour I've tried to change.

I usually write on this blog when I'm unhappy, which I've noted before. So... perhaps it's not all that bad.

Hopefully next year is better.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

With Certainty Comes Conflict

Sometimes, I'm a difficult person.

I guess everyone is difficult, sometimes. All of the permutations.
Person A is difficult at time 1 for Persons B and C but not Person D.
Person B is difficult at time 2 for Person C, although at time 3 is super friendly and happy with person C but difficult for person A.
etc.

Anyway, I'm difficult, at times. I kind of feel sorry for those around me, at those times. I know, I have plenty of good qualities. That's not what this is about. Everyone has issues, sure. That's also somewhat irrelevant.

I'm difficult but also quite sensitive to my difficulties and their effect on others. I think if I were insensitive it'd be a whole lot easier - at least only one of us would feel bad.

However, despite the crap, we muddle through. Even when things seem completely pointless or confusing. I think I have found some joy in knowing a path, of some kind, for my life. An uncertain path to be sure but... it has some clarity, and it suits me, at least for now. Then, when all the various activities seem to fit with that vision, that brings a rightness, a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of filling a niche in the world, doing something (or somethings) that are worthwhile.

I think in a previous post I lamented that these posts are always super general and not specific. I was planning to do some creative writing for my next post. Both ideas sound good. I can talk about what's actually happening in my life and in another post I can write some creative wordsies. Like that one. That was creative. I created it! Just then.

See what I mean. So difficult.

Monday, February 16, 2015

What to do next?

Keep working on your skills. Be a better person. Something will come up.

OK!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

sad.

missing old friends.