Games

This is a little random. I've been meaning to post for a while. Have been very busy - lots of work and socialising.

Oh, and girlfriend-time. But that's not what this blog post is about.

Well so far, as I haven't got to the point yet, that *is* what it's about. Anyway. Just my humorous talking here.
To myself.
bla bla bloop....

A list of games I thought of for Mitchell's 'Pixel Party' - the costume theme was a game character. Didn't know what to do with the list. It's a cool list. It makes me happy to look at. So I thought I'd share it.
I should point out that I haven't necessarily played all these games. Some of them I only vaguely know. But most are familiar to me, and some are my favourites.

Pokemon
Mario - Koopa Troopa
Streetfighter
MK (Mortal Kombat for those of you playing at home)
Descent II
Excalibur
Soul Caliber
Space Cab
Sim City - skyscraper?
Halo
Fable
Call of Duty
Glider Pro - paper planes! rubber bands!
N - ninja
Zelda - Goron/Link/fairy
Pacman - ghost!
Frogger
Naruto
Neopets
Spyro - sheep?
Final Fantasy
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater

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Plans

And it came to me then
That every plan
Is a tiny prayer to Father Time

And yet, one day... one day all this will be powder, and you will be king.

I wish I could write something inspiring, but I'm dredged of hope.
I wish I didn't wallow so much, and think about my failures so much, but I look in the mirror and see only flaws.
I wish I ... it's useless wishing, anyway.
You need to hope. That is vital. I guess that's why we're still here, though. We haven't lost hope yet.

But it's kind of a dull, blunted hope. A wearied subconscious thought that someday it will be better. Not a sparkling, joyful, alive feeling. No, not a feeling - a knowing. The kind of hope where you expect the best, because really, how is anything else possible?

Felix Felicis. The elixir of life. The vitality of youth.

I'm getting old...

Ashamed

He wandered through cities
Through water and trees
Of verdant impression
Of sibilant breeze

The walk made him weary
The sun made him sit
He noticed the darkness
Nearby in a pit

"Elation has left me
So now I shall die."
And right then he gathered
To jump without cry

But something delayed him
Something unseen
He sat with a sigh
What else could it mean?

The journey not over,
He set off again
Exploring the mountains
In tumbling rain

The beaches, the meadows
The sun far above
Though never he knew it
What held him was love.

(Aww!)
Well... it wasn't originally going to be quite that... simple. But it sits so perfectly!
That'll do for now. It's late. I might do an alternate ending later. Maybe with more blood. Heehee~
Title of this post? Separate from the poem. I think.

Band

Well I don't know what to talk about, I keep coming up with great ideas for posts, but by the time I reach this machine the creativity has dried up.

So I'm going to talk about my band. And maybe my attachment to music in general, I haven't thought that far ahead.

SPAM

btw thanks to Nick for somehow getting me to watch the start of 28 weeks later, fucking tense films, can't stand them. They stick in my head for weeks. They're even worse when they're well-made, that just makes it worse. Like a curse. No, a hearse.

hum. the band I'm in is called Small Man Syndrome it is awesome and we have a lot of fun on stage and when we arre rehearsing sometimes we will jam over a bassline Pauly's doing or a guitar riff Steve's whipped out or even just one of our songs, I might make up some lyrics or repeat a line from a song, and Paul will do mad solos and Steve will play something bluesy and sometimes we'll play actual songs and attempt to be all organised and shit and sometimes we'll talk about stuff although not much.
You may notice that I am swearing in this post, it's true that these words are coming into my head but when I talk I screen them from certain people. I feel right now that maybe I will just 'say' them as it's different writing them - I wonder if they're more powerful heard or read? - and that makes this post much more about what I'm really thinking rather than being what I've decided is most worth your while reading. (Edited, in other words. Although I am still editing.) Perhaps you didn't even notice, which is fine. I know some people are of the opinion that screening in that way is hiding your true self and you should just 'be who you are' and 'not worry about what people think of you'! But I'm sure everyone screens to some extent, in fact that's probably a Psych theory/fact, it sounds familiar. You may not screen your naughty words but you're probably screening something else. I think what we normally screen is more hidden thoughts like 'she has really large front teeth, but I'm sitting in a job interview and she's my interviewer, so I won't mention her MASSIVE FRONT TEETH' oh god it reminds me of Austin Powers 3. MOLEY MOLEY MOLE ... ... yeah but I guess screening could refer to anything.

Interesting diversion. So the band is great fun. What's most fun is that the guys are good players, solid, and they have lots of ideas, and they understand music really well. Where that can be a drawback is when you want to create something simple, but everyone wants to do a solo at the same time. Well, that's what it feels like sometimes... Anyway the pluses outweigh the minuses. Not only that but we're all pretty good friends, and we all respect each other's talents and listen to each other's ideas. And we seem to want to make a similar kind of music; I'm still amazed, somewhat, that we all mesh so well, when we're all into such different styles. I like pop that's too saccharin for the others, it seems... Paul and Steve are into their older styles, and songs that seem obscure to me... Warren's into Muse and Radiohead, which pushes my buttons, but less so everyone else's.
We kinda bonded over 90s songs, at the start. We walked a fine line between cool and uncool. Some of us had songs we refused to cover. I remember Paul refusing something by Madonna, maybe Vogue. We covered a boyband song (specifically, Back For Good) which was super fun, but for me, highlights were our Billie Jean/Moondance medley, Faith ("well I guess it would be nice"...) and Steal My Kisses.

Dear readers, there are moments in one's life one wants to stretch into eternity. For me, our first gig at the Co-op Prom in a church hall was one of those moments. Singing Ace of Base to a darkened dancefloor, a stationary disco ball casting glimmers everywhere, with people dancing - dancing to US! - singing my heart out, backed by a solid guitar/bass/keys trio, I just felt like I was filling a little gap in the world. You know. Doing something I was meant to do.

*sigh*

Yes. Fun. Then came summer, what did I do? I don't know what I did over summer. Anyway, stuff happened. We started rehearsing again. Waz got us a gig at the Brunswick Hotel. We played well - really well, though some mistakes with lyrics might've been a little transparent. For the first time, we played originals. One of them was mine. Again, I put my all into singing and my on-stage presence. I dressed up for the occasion. I became really sweaty. I danced. Paul and I exchanged banter between songs, which kept the audience amused. One of Warren's songs, Trippin', was my personal highlight - it was one of the few songs, while on stage, I could hear properly and thought 'this sounds perfect for this venue'. Our harmonies punched through the audience chatter.
Still, for me, it didn't top the prom gig. I think the prom felt more surreal. There were a lot of friends at the Brunswick Hotel. At the prom, it felt like we were playing for complete strangers.

This may all sound a little high-horsey. I am talking it up a bit. There are wonderful moments in our set, but there have also been some awkward/messy/silly bits. I think we are still improving. That Brunswick gig received a fairly ordinary review from a friend of mine who mixes for a very popular band - I suppose he'd know what a tight band sounds like - and our next gig also received some less-than-perfect feedback from my friends. Which was deserved. People have fun, however, and for us that's extremely important.

Fun is fun.
SPAm cialsi

Waz left for China and suddenly we were a three-piece.Things seem to happen quickly in band world. We were offered a gig at the Rainbow Hotel, then the following two weekends I played two separate gigs with Mr. Charles J Tan. He's a singer/songwriter I've been saxophoning with recently. It's like: a gig every week for three weeks. What is happening to me??

Rainbow... another good gig. I snared us this one. It helps, I discovered, to have relatives who work at pubs! But the band were less happy this time. Steve felt as though he didn't play well. Paul was solid, as ever, but not as comfortable with the end result. And I was... I don't know. Like before, I sang and danced and played sax solos. Somehow, we just weren't together as well as before.

Perhaps my mind was elsewhere. It was a really super busy day for me. I v-lined from Bendigo to Hallam that morning, attended a 70th, drove home with my parents, drove to the gig, packed everything up and drove to 3MBS, did my midnight radio show, drove home at 2.30 and crashed. (On my bed, of course.)

So on top of my busy-ness, we'd only had a single rehearsal to make 2 hours of music happen... half covers, half originals. Our originals were the strong point here. Paul has a beautiful piano/voice piece which I sang for. Steve has a superb pop song called Spring.
Overall, success - it couldn't be called a failure, despite our misgivings. The audience had a great time, and we took some things away to work on.

The future:

Probably Ukraine, actually. It's a viable option. Or wildlife theme parks. We'll have a little cage of our own, and the tourists will pass by as we play in our cage, and snap shots of our crazy antics.
We're recording some stuff at the moment. I'm trying to make the time to work on my own songs, finish them, and band them (i.e. try to make them achievable in a band context). I'm learning Paul's 15 minute epic. Steve is moving house, and we might hold a gig in his new place.... no kidding. We'll see how big the loungeroom is.

Well that was interesting/fun/useless/up-myself, I was also going to talk about my connection to music. How does one explain such a thing. It's like talking about my connection to the atmosphere. Without music I'm just a socially awkward little twerp. With music I become powerful. I fit in. I become somewhat fashionable. Without it I never have that witty comeback everyone seems to instinctively know. With it, I can make the remark and the comeback at the same time. Y'know? That's what it's like. It's my niche, it's where I live. I may not be talented or deserving enough of musical life, but I'm sure enjoying it.

Those are some thoughts that I have thought tonight. Eat 'em up.

Saxman.

whyny whyny wnyhnwy.

Cheer up emo kid. Like the t-shirts say!

oh god it's awful. I hate circular arguments. Especially arguments with yourself! Especially when you don't even know what you're arguing about!!

BLEH.

The Edge Between Darkness And Light

When the onslaught of images fails to dull your appreciation of frozen time,


When the saturation of carefully filtered sound fails to curb your joy in the unexpected,


When the last leaf has pressed itself into your hand and you still want more,





you will be my heart's desire.

What did we do before the internets?

My computer, my camera, my phone sit on my desk, bathed in wispy afternoon sun.

They sit huddled there in a little digital group, waiting for me to use their myriad features.

What did we do before these things?

How did we live?

*wrenches own heart out of chest and dives into a sea of acid*

I'm in the basement
You're in the sky
I'm in the basement, baby
Drop on by

Suture up your future

Yeah, so lately I've been feeling scared about the future.

----------------
Now playing: Dead Can Dance - In The Kingdom Of The Blind The One-Eyed Are Kings
via FoxyTunes

Or maybe it was just last night.


I guess for so long I haven't had to concern myself directly with my next phase of life. And now, with the sounds of Dead Can Dance ringing in my ears, I am facing changes. Ch-ch-ch-ch-yeah. Those.

still have the movie from last night ringing in my brain. Adam. I'm sure it meant something. Racoons, it has to be a metaphor for racoons. Thanks Rupert. The entire movie was a metaphor for racoons.

I've dealt with the past, kinda. Sorta. But in my own bittersweet way, I can never let it go. It all weaves into a tapestry; forms a ginormous picture. Sometimes lovely, sometimes loathsome, sometimes colourful and sometimes bland.
Mostly bland, in fact. If you consider the amount of time one person spends sleeping. That's a bland life!
Unless sleeping is exciting for you, in which case, whoa, you lead an exciting life!~

I'm never very specific on here, am I. MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES OF STRANGE MYSTERY.

That's what you get for being a robotic chicken, Richerd. Random references to your blog, that's what you get!

I leave you with some memories and some doubts. Y'know... A little of the tapestry.













The Tree of Knowledge and Light.

4/8

Picture Gareth, huddled in the corner of the room, unnoticed by the flashy lights and wafting people, soaking up the music. It is his one addiction, the blood flowing through his arteries, the sea he wants to immerse himself in. He goes from music class to gig to shop to café, and everywhere he goes there is music playing, soft music, ugly music, sappy music, music to gyrate to. He does not really understand his addiction, or why it affects him the way it does. At the café he sees various members of society stride or drift or edge in, order food and drink, glance around and leave. The staff concentrate on their jobs. Only he sits alone, shrivelled, breathing shallow breaths of musical fulfilment.

Physics

I worked in the Physics library for 3 and a half hours today. First time. It's a very quiet place. I mean *really* quiet. Semester hasn't started yet and in any case I'm told Physics students are fairly self-sufficient - they don't ask too many questions. I was pretty much babysitting for 3 hours, except with books instead of babies... and books are infinitely easier, or so I'd imagine.

So this girl was returning some books, and I realised after she'd gone that I still had this "Ask Library Staff!" badge stuck on my shirt collar from when I was mucking around. Maybe that's why she gave me an odd look. One of her books, I saw, was called "Black Holes, Gravitational Waves, and Cosmology"... I thought that was cool. And it struck me that there's something hot about girls who study black holes.

...

And right now I'm in Frank Tate, and there's random funk music playing. How funky!

arms

oh, wow. As she would have said.

oh, wow.

Disparagingly. But it stuck.

And now it's a part of me, an invisible voice I channel. Is it wrong, holding on to it? What could go wrong?

I don't want to go mad! Not like that girl. Anna M. The movie on SBS I watched, last night. She was mental. But she was a stalker. I'd never get that caught up....
....would I?

space, the great unfilled void. Countless burning stars. What are they waiting for? They move, they hang. They wait. they sit waiting. Are they waiting for us? Stars don't fade, anyway. They disappear spectacularly. I'm not a Scientist. I might be wrong. But it's comforting, to think that if they give up, if they cease their waiting game, at least there'll be some massive sign, some gigantic explosion which we'll see ... thousands of light years too late.

Time is on your side, it's on your side.

Someone told me that talking to yourself was a really bad idea. Like, it could actually send you mad. I don't want to go mad. But I do hold one-sided conversations sometimes. Anyway, surely blogging is a way of talking to yourself? Millions of people, all over the world, mad. I don't think so.
All the same, I was concerned. I don't want to go mad.

It's probably not what I want to say, but I'm sure there's plenty of time.

Plenty of time before Swine Flu comes!

It'll come for you....never fear. And we'll all have Zombie Swine Flu Rage Virus. it'll be a massive party, a massive quarantine party with blood and arms.

arms... I crawl back into your open arms.

Chess

I played chess twice tonight. I lost both games. meh. what can I say. The housemates (Ben and James) are good players.

Feel like an empty shell sometimes, a Hollow Man. A shadow of Gawain. Right now, though, I'm fine, which is sadly less dramatic. Either way, my past should sort itself out this year, so there's not much point jinxing it now. If all goes well, it will smoothly transition into my future... assuming I finish uni at the end of this year.

There is so much to decide, now. What am I going to focus on? I don't have a specialisation, as such. No defined career. I've had a couple of job offers... if you could call them that... not including the school last year that wanted me back. It's not money that I'm concerned about, at least not yet. It's making a decision. It's choosing all that stuff in Trainspotting.

Yeah, whatever. or I could just join a band, or the circus, or something. Crawl into a little hole away from the world and just ignore all my ongoing personal issues!~

bah, love. i miss it. :(
breaking up with Mags was tough, but sooner or later I need to journey into my head, into my past, to find out why. What's the deal, Gawain. What what why. Be more constructive with your feedback, why.

exeunt
~~~~

It is coming.

I can feel it.

Sometime soon, I'm going to explode.

I can feel it. I think it may happen this year.

I've been waiting. I doubt exploding will solve anything.

But something inside me desperately longs for release.

bottling it up? perhaps.

not for long.

soon.



hmm, but I really don't want to explode... ;_;

Wow, so much has been happening.

Jono moved out.
Hagan moved out.
Meredith got married.
Ryan's wife got pregnant.
I discovered I could finish my degree in 6 months.
Centrelink paid me.
Oceans moved. At least sideways, if not vertically.
I played Singstar and was awesome at it!
I returned from overseas.
Loclan, Mags and I ate dumplings.
Magdalen started her teaching rounds.
I dropped Teaching.
It was hot.

*the above events are not in chronological order*

And coming up soon, folks:
Loclan's birthday is Saturday
James McGregor moves in Sunday
We need a 4th housemate until August, when Rohan moves in
I am going to decide some things about life!

Scary, but important, times.

Mood: apathetic, generally. With so many exciting things going on, how could i be excited? The things themselves generate their own excitement.
But it's more than that. I need a wake-up call. I need to love uni again. I need to develop glands again.

That's assuming apathetic isn't a valid emotion right now..... i mean it's rather hot.

Kiss, Hug, Die!
Gawain

Travel Blog

Heye dudes

...is that hi or hey? anyways, I'm overseas right now and to get THE GOSS on what's HIP AND HAPPENING over here CHECK OUT my other blog at introspectivedreams.blog.com

so YEAH umm madness!

this blog will be more properly updated once I'm not overseas any more. And can write a little more freely.... if y'know what I mean.

Until then, refrain. And stay sane.
Gawain.

Ungrateful wretch!

I'm a student, at Melbourne uni, studying Music and Education. Yeah, it's a double degree. No, no exams...just lots of assignments... but I prefer exams, assignments aren't my thing... It's getting towards the end of the year you know... busy times. Lots to do. Then I have placement in a couple of weeks, at Eltham High School. I'm a bit nervous about that, but more worried about getting there on time - it's an hour and a half from my house. I'm going to see if I can

I'm studying at Melbourne uni, Music and Teaching. 4th year. yeah, but I would have been fifth year... I took a year off after second year... oh, just worked for a year, learnt to live independently, you know - went grocery shopping, learnt to cook... did my washing, all that stuff. Worked a lot actually, i got independence from Centrelink. Still working there... one shift a week... oh, I have two jobs now, did you know? I'm also

I'm at uni. Ah, music and education. Well, music teacher is one option... but I hope to do a lot of things, you know.... teach, play, compose, travel... with music you have to be flexible. I think teaching jobs won't be too hard to find... but it's not really what I want to do long term...I mean I enjoy it, but I've always wanted to write music. mm, I just don't have time - I'm pretty much failing uni. Maybe in the holidays, yeah... but that never seems to happen. I don't know, actually I took a year off after second year to write music, but I

I'm a uni student. Um, Melbourne... yeah. Music and Teaching. I play the saxophone... a bit of piano... and I sing too... and I write music, but ...hm? Ah, not so much any more. This year I've just been too busy with education stuff. I've played it once or twice. Actually, I'm learning the flute at the moment. so I can teach it, because a lot of teaching jobs ask for you to be able to teach a family of instruments, like for woodwind you need probably clarinet, saxophone, flute. mmm... have you played it since? Mmm fair enough... you can't do everything!


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Their eyes met, but only briefly. That was awkward enough. Oliver looked to his right, to avoid tension, and found himself staring back. A poster on the wall advertising next week's concert contained an old photo of him - the one they took when he first got here. A broad smile, eyes crinkling with happiness, his wavy hair hung dryly over his ears. A time of hope and somewhat attractive naivety. He looked away in disgust. The audience chatter died a little - the concert was about to begin. He slumped down in his seat and pushed his knees into the seat in front. There was no way out now... he settled back and and tried to empty his mind.

My new motto?

My life is quite different these days.

Instead of being driven by a self-chosen purpose, I'm besieged by possibilities. Instead of being sure about my values and my beliefs (although that may have been a LONG time ago) I'm constantly forced to re-examine my position on this and that.

I spent a long time on Facebook yesterday reading comments on a group forum (the group was 'One Body of Christ Experiment (all Christians on Facebook)') about various views on homosexuality and the differing Christian interpretations of the Bible on this. The same day, I spent ages reading the history of BP and how it was closely linked to the overthrow of the Iranian government with the help of the CIA. Wow, even the British played nasty for oil in the 50s!

Today, I had a class about policy in Education and we outlined the 8 issues we can choose for our scenario presentation. These are:
- Student Voice and Real Roles
- Family Change
- Racism
- Gender
- Sexual Orientation
- Social Class
- Indigenous Education
- Post-compulsory pathways

I chose gender. Perhaps because of my teaching round in an all-girls' school last semester... as my lecturer said, some may argue that all the bridges have been burned and feminism has had its desired impact and gender is no longer an issue, but this is of course not true.

Also today, for a reflective piece I have to write for the same subject, I've been reading about social justice and somehow got onto Jainism and smegma (which you can look up yourself). Wikipedia, how ridiculously time-consuming, but how enlightening.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm doing a lot of thinking. Especially about my future and how I can salvage my life into something more worthwhile. Like, perhaps I should be doing more to help disadvantaged people? Or people with measles? Measles are awful.

Who wouldn't want to help a bemeasled person anyway!






Bah!


Oh yes, the reason behind the title. I was thinking my new motto should be 'one thing at a time'. I'm always feeling overwhelmed by the number of things I want to achieve. But I'm probably being unrealistic. In any case, I think I'll be able to focus better by limiting myself to just getting one thing achieved.

I realise this sounds like a particularly 'guy' thing to need to do. lol@gender issue again...


the end.