What did we do before the internets?

My computer, my camera, my phone sit on my desk, bathed in wispy afternoon sun.

They sit huddled there in a little digital group, waiting for me to use their myriad features.

What did we do before these things?

How did we live?

*wrenches own heart out of chest and dives into a sea of acid*

I'm in the basement
You're in the sky
I'm in the basement, baby
Drop on by

Suture up your future

Yeah, so lately I've been feeling scared about the future.

----------------
Now playing: Dead Can Dance - In The Kingdom Of The Blind The One-Eyed Are Kings
via FoxyTunes

Or maybe it was just last night.


I guess for so long I haven't had to concern myself directly with my next phase of life. And now, with the sounds of Dead Can Dance ringing in my ears, I am facing changes. Ch-ch-ch-ch-yeah. Those.

still have the movie from last night ringing in my brain. Adam. I'm sure it meant something. Racoons, it has to be a metaphor for racoons. Thanks Rupert. The entire movie was a metaphor for racoons.

I've dealt with the past, kinda. Sorta. But in my own bittersweet way, I can never let it go. It all weaves into a tapestry; forms a ginormous picture. Sometimes lovely, sometimes loathsome, sometimes colourful and sometimes bland.
Mostly bland, in fact. If you consider the amount of time one person spends sleeping. That's a bland life!
Unless sleeping is exciting for you, in which case, whoa, you lead an exciting life!~

I'm never very specific on here, am I. MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES OF STRANGE MYSTERY.

That's what you get for being a robotic chicken, Richerd. Random references to your blog, that's what you get!

I leave you with some memories and some doubts. Y'know... A little of the tapestry.













The Tree of Knowledge and Light.

4/8

Picture Gareth, huddled in the corner of the room, unnoticed by the flashy lights and wafting people, soaking up the music. It is his one addiction, the blood flowing through his arteries, the sea he wants to immerse himself in. He goes from music class to gig to shop to café, and everywhere he goes there is music playing, soft music, ugly music, sappy music, music to gyrate to. He does not really understand his addiction, or why it affects him the way it does. At the café he sees various members of society stride or drift or edge in, order food and drink, glance around and leave. The staff concentrate on their jobs. Only he sits alone, shrivelled, breathing shallow breaths of musical fulfilment.

Physics

I worked in the Physics library for 3 and a half hours today. First time. It's a very quiet place. I mean *really* quiet. Semester hasn't started yet and in any case I'm told Physics students are fairly self-sufficient - they don't ask too many questions. I was pretty much babysitting for 3 hours, except with books instead of babies... and books are infinitely easier, or so I'd imagine.

So this girl was returning some books, and I realised after she'd gone that I still had this "Ask Library Staff!" badge stuck on my shirt collar from when I was mucking around. Maybe that's why she gave me an odd look. One of her books, I saw, was called "Black Holes, Gravitational Waves, and Cosmology"... I thought that was cool. And it struck me that there's something hot about girls who study black holes.

...

And right now I'm in Frank Tate, and there's random funk music playing. How funky!

arms

oh, wow. As she would have said.

oh, wow.

Disparagingly. But it stuck.

And now it's a part of me, an invisible voice I channel. Is it wrong, holding on to it? What could go wrong?

I don't want to go mad! Not like that girl. Anna M. The movie on SBS I watched, last night. She was mental. But she was a stalker. I'd never get that caught up....
....would I?

space, the great unfilled void. Countless burning stars. What are they waiting for? They move, they hang. They wait. they sit waiting. Are they waiting for us? Stars don't fade, anyway. They disappear spectacularly. I'm not a Scientist. I might be wrong. But it's comforting, to think that if they give up, if they cease their waiting game, at least there'll be some massive sign, some gigantic explosion which we'll see ... thousands of light years too late.

Time is on your side, it's on your side.

Someone told me that talking to yourself was a really bad idea. Like, it could actually send you mad. I don't want to go mad. But I do hold one-sided conversations sometimes. Anyway, surely blogging is a way of talking to yourself? Millions of people, all over the world, mad. I don't think so.
All the same, I was concerned. I don't want to go mad.

It's probably not what I want to say, but I'm sure there's plenty of time.

Plenty of time before Swine Flu comes!

It'll come for you....never fear. And we'll all have Zombie Swine Flu Rage Virus. it'll be a massive party, a massive quarantine party with blood and arms.

arms... I crawl back into your open arms.

Chess

I played chess twice tonight. I lost both games. meh. what can I say. The housemates (Ben and James) are good players.

Feel like an empty shell sometimes, a Hollow Man. A shadow of Gawain. Right now, though, I'm fine, which is sadly less dramatic. Either way, my past should sort itself out this year, so there's not much point jinxing it now. If all goes well, it will smoothly transition into my future... assuming I finish uni at the end of this year.

There is so much to decide, now. What am I going to focus on? I don't have a specialisation, as such. No defined career. I've had a couple of job offers... if you could call them that... not including the school last year that wanted me back. It's not money that I'm concerned about, at least not yet. It's making a decision. It's choosing all that stuff in Trainspotting.

Yeah, whatever. or I could just join a band, or the circus, or something. Crawl into a little hole away from the world and just ignore all my ongoing personal issues!~

bah, love. i miss it. :(
breaking up with Mags was tough, but sooner or later I need to journey into my head, into my past, to find out why. What's the deal, Gawain. What what why. Be more constructive with your feedback, why.

exeunt
~~~~

It is coming.

I can feel it.

Sometime soon, I'm going to explode.

I can feel it. I think it may happen this year.

I've been waiting. I doubt exploding will solve anything.

But something inside me desperately longs for release.

bottling it up? perhaps.

not for long.

soon.



hmm, but I really don't want to explode... ;_;

Wow, so much has been happening.

Jono moved out.
Hagan moved out.
Meredith got married.
Ryan's wife got pregnant.
I discovered I could finish my degree in 6 months.
Centrelink paid me.
Oceans moved. At least sideways, if not vertically.
I played Singstar and was awesome at it!
I returned from overseas.
Loclan, Mags and I ate dumplings.
Magdalen started her teaching rounds.
I dropped Teaching.
It was hot.

*the above events are not in chronological order*

And coming up soon, folks:
Loclan's birthday is Saturday
James McGregor moves in Sunday
We need a 4th housemate until August, when Rohan moves in
I am going to decide some things about life!

Scary, but important, times.

Mood: apathetic, generally. With so many exciting things going on, how could i be excited? The things themselves generate their own excitement.
But it's more than that. I need a wake-up call. I need to love uni again. I need to develop glands again.

That's assuming apathetic isn't a valid emotion right now..... i mean it's rather hot.

Kiss, Hug, Die!
Gawain

Travel Blog

Heye dudes

...is that hi or hey? anyways, I'm overseas right now and to get THE GOSS on what's HIP AND HAPPENING over here CHECK OUT my other blog at introspectivedreams.blog.com

so YEAH umm madness!

this blog will be more properly updated once I'm not overseas any more. And can write a little more freely.... if y'know what I mean.

Until then, refrain. And stay sane.
Gawain.